If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
