He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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