A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I love having hate sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
