By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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