Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
