My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
