All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
