Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
