Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Let's paint friendship bongs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
