So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
