oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
