There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
