wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
