i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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