Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you never un-have a 4some
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
