You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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