you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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