I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
