Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
