A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
