I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
