dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
