1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
