There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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