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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
