Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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