Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he wants to bone in the snuggie
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
