I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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