Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
