the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
