i think my tv is drunk
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
