Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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