kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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