dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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