I wish I could punch you in the face.
i don't like sucking hair
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
