Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
