If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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