i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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