we're blogging at a bar
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
