Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
