you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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