So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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