I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
