ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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