The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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