Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
