i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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