i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
