I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
pray to the hookup gods
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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