So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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