You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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