So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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