its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
