I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
