We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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