Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
